A project for parents

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The Parent Project authors (from left) Ralph “Bud” Fry and Roger Morgan posed with a couple of the many resource materials they brought to the training to help parents intercede in a child’s destructive behavior.

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Solving The Parent Project scenarios became the task of groups at each table including (clockwise from left) Susan Wiggins, Shiangyin Wei, Melba Aguirre, John Advincula and Gina Alfaro.

How do you keep your troubled teen from running away, becoming violent towards you or falling out of school for all of these reasons and more? Tough questions for which an organization called The Parent Project has spent 21 years developing successful responses that put parents back in control of their children’s lives. During the week of Aug. 4-8, two authors of “The Parent Project” curriculum, CEO Ralph “Bud” Fry, a former law enforcement officer and Roger Morgan, a child psychologist, were in Bakersfield. Their role was to train several dozen school administrators, teachers and community service providers to be certified facilitators for parents. Training was sponsored by the Kern County Superintendent of Schools Office (KCSOS), Kern High School District and the Truancy Reduction and Attendance Coalition of Kern (TRACK).

Certified facilitators do not in teach parents how to be parents. Their role is to involve parents in preventing and interceding in their children’s destructive behavior. As an example, in a Wednesday morning session several very real situations with possible scenarios were presented and those in training were given the task of working together to come up with outcomes and remedies. One of those scenarios revolved around what to do if your child threatens to run away. Several remedies were discussed that resulted in the same outcome — putting the child in a situation where his or her only alternative was to return home. They included:

  • Have law enforcement pick the child up after curfew
  • Call parents of friends where the child might go for refuge
  • Contact schools in case they show up there
  • Print their pictures on posters
  • Remove all their clothing or valuables from the home so they cannot hock them for cash.

“Instead of focusing on controlling them, concentrate on controlling things in their environment,” Morgan said.

The national program works with families to reduce violence, substance abuse and gang involvement. It also strives to strengthen school attendance and performance, the family unit and parent involvement. According to The Parent Project, “Since 2001, client institutions have reduced juvenile crime 33 percent, school expulsions and drop outs 95 percent, juvenile detention days 23.9 percent, juvenile probation drug violations 20 percent and police calls for service 94 percent.

Violence by a child toward a parent was another topic that received a lot of scrutiny during the training. Both Fry and Morgan say the violent behavior must be documented.

“Let’s say your child pushes you into a door hard enough to break the door, but the investigating officer doesn’t feel it was serious enough to write a report,” Fry asked. “Ask the officer if the child had done that to him would he be filing a report. The officer will write the report. Or, ask the officer what his supervisor’s name is so he can check with him about filing a report. The officer will start writing.”

What do you do when a child commits a violent act, leaves home and then returns? Fry and Morgan say you need to have either neighbors, police or friends there to let the child know they won’t let it happen again. They also suggest sending younger siblings to relatives, documenting injuries with photographs and having the child arrested when he returns if he presents a very serious threat.

One of the most effective tools for interceding in a child’s destructive behavior, the two experts claim, is a remedy they have developed called “T-Spot.” It is a behavior modification method where everything that is important to the child is taken away for a short period of time. An example they use is taking away a child’s TV privileges because they are not doing homework. If they return to the room and turn on the TV, take the TV away. If they then shut the door and refuse to do the homework, take the door off the hinges so you can be sure they are doing homework.”

“You only take these things away for a short period of time,” Morgan stressed. “Children are very short term oriented, and they will change to avoid that Death Row feeling. But, if you take it away long term, everyone loses, as the child gives up.”

The Parent Project goals are to: (1) build hope for families and communities, (2) provide specific, no-nonsense solutions to the problems parents face today and (3) offer practical and emotional support to families as they begin the difficult process of change.

KCSOS Gang Intervention Specialist Sal Arias said there are currently about 6,000 Parent Project certified facilitators in the United States and about 400 in Kern County.


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