Relative Caregivers

marynathan: All in the Family - Making child care provided by relatives work for your family

Why parents often choose a relative caregiver…

  • Comfort because children are generally more at ease with people they know
  • Love and attention if it is a close family member who has genuine affection for your child
  • Trust because you know them well and you know what values you share
  • Flexibility to meet your schedule, especially if it is part-time, evening hours or rotating shifts
  • Familiar location in your or a relative’s home

There can also be problems…

  • Relative care can be lonely for the child and your relative
  • Child care raises unexpected and sensitive issues that can complicate family relationships
  • You and your relative may underestimate how time consuming and tiring it is to provide child care
  • Ideas about discipline may differ
  • Children’s needs change as they grow, and you may need to change child care arrangements

When there are problems…

  • Find the right time and place to talk about it, when you are both relaxed
  • Express gratitude for all your family does for your child Keep the focus on the child
  • Show respect for your relative’s point of view, even when you disagree
  • Think about how to avoid the problem in the future
  • Decide if you are still comfortable with the arrangements or if you will need to start looking for other child care

You may need to make a change…

  • If your relative finds it too hard to take care or your child every day
  • When your child needs a preschool experience with other children
  • If your schedule changes
  • If it just doesn’t work out

But family is still family…

  • Thank your relative for helping
  • Consider asking if your relative could help with backup care

Making it work smoothly for everyone…

  • Take time to talk regularly, when children are not around
  • Discuss and clarify your ideas about discipline and how you want your relative to set rules and guide your child
  • Talk about your child’s daily routines: sleep, crying, feeding and outdoor play
  • Make sure your relative has the time, energy and health to keep up with your child
  • Ask if your relative sees this as a long term or short term arrangement
  • Discuss plans with your relative about television, reading, friends, and chores for your child

Remember, SAFETY FIRST!

  • Double check for child safety in your or a relative’s home with a safety checklist
  • Prepare for emergencies with a safety plan, a fire extinguisher, medical and allergy information and a list of work, fire and emergency phone numbers
  • Agree on who may pick up your child
  • Remember, safety for a young child means no hitting or shaking

Paying a relative for child care should be in an agreement…

  • Be clear about exactly when and how you will pay your family member
  • Write down your agreement so there is no misunderstanding about your arrangements and payments
  • You will need to agree about holidays, vacations, and sick days for your child or your relative
  • Be creative, and in addition to money, what can you do to show your appreciation
  • Learn about sample agreements and tax implications from your local child care resource and referral agency
Families are forever…Keeping good relationships
  • Offer to pay for a first aid and CPR class
  • Ask your family member what might be helpful to them in doing child care
  • Call your chid care resource and referral agency to see what information is available for relative caregivers such as resource centers, toy libraries, story hours and community activities
  • If you change child care, remember, your relative caregiver is still family!


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